A Jewish man sends his son to Israel to live there for a while. Eventually he returns home and he is now a Christian. The man finds this to be odd and mentions it to his friend.
The friend listens, thinks for a moment and says, "That's odd. I sent my son to Israel as a Jew and he returned as a Christian." So the two of them went to see the Rabbi.
They told the Rabbi the story of how they had both sent their sons to Israel as Jews, and how both sons had returned as Christians. The Rabbi listens, thinks for a moment and says "That's odd. I also sent my son to Israel as a Jew and he returned as a Christian."
So the three of them decide to go to Israel to find out what's going on over there. The arrive and go straight to the Western Wall to pray. They explain to God all about how they sent their sons to Israel as Jews and how the all returned as Christians."
There is a long silence, and then God begins to speak saying, "That's odd ..."
Two Jewish guys walked by a church, and outside there's a sign that says "Convert to Christianity, get $400."
One of the guys goes, "Oh, why not?" The other says, "Really? You're gonna convert to Christianity?" The first guy replies, "Money is money, I'm gonna do it."
So he walks in, and 5 minutes later, he comes out wearing a cross necklace and munching on a ham and cheese sandwich. His friend asks in shock, "Did you even get the money?"
He replies, "Huh! You people."
What is the difference between yoghurt and the United States?
Leave the yoghurt alone for 200 years, it will develop a culture.
A woman goes down to the Lada dealership and orders the new model car. The dealer replies, "It'll be ready to pick up in ten years, eight months, and three days." The woman asks, "Will that be in the morning or the afternoon?" The dealer is confused, "Why does it matter, it's ten years from now!" And the woman replies, in all seriousness, "I have the plumber coming that morning."
A maths professor Dave has a problem with his sink so he calls a plumber. The plumber comes over and quickly fixes the sink. The professor is happy until he gets the bill. He goes to the plumber, "How do you charge this much? This is half of my monthly paycheck!" But he pays it anyway.
The plumber says, "Look, we are looking for more plumbers. You'd be welcome to become one and triple your salary. Just make sure you say you only made it to 6th grade, they don't like educated people in plumbing."
The professor takes him up on the offer and becomes a plumber. His salary triples and he doesn't have to work nearly as hard. But the company makes an announcement that all of their plumbers must get a 7th grade education. So they all go to night school.
On the first day of night school they all attend maths class. The teacher wants to gauge the class so he asks Dave, "What's the formula for the area of a circle?" Dave walks up to the board and is about to write the formula when he realises he's forgotten it. So he begins to attempt to derive the formula, filling the board with complicated mathematics.
He ends up figuring out it is negative pi times radius squared. He thinks the minus doesn't belong so he starts over, but again he comes up with the same equation.
After staring at the board for a minute he looks out at the other plumbers and sees that they are all whispering, "Switch the limits on the integral!"
Where does a mansplainer get his water?
From a well, actually.
Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
He asked them who the best composer was, and they all said "Bach! Bach!"